45 - Guilt - Rating: PG

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Preceeds Trust.

It hadn't been Shar's fault. Shar knew it. He knew what Szass Tam had done to him, to Velin, to Mal. But he knew what he himself had done to Connor, the love of his life, the one he'd taken vows to love and protect for the rest of their lives.

He'd hurt him. Willingly, purposefully hurt him. He still remembered watching Connor beneath him, struggling for air, unable to get even the slightest sound out from his talented voice. Remembered watching him sink into unconsciousness. He knew he wasn't dead. The lifebond was still there, still strong. He still loved him, and that's why he left him alive.

He took everything he thought would be useful and left, leaving Connor bound and unconscious on their bed. The rest of the party could deal with him. Shar had business to attend to.

Later when he was wished back to normal, Shar still wouldn't forgive himself. Knowing he'd broken his own vow made his guilt a palpable thing. And worse was the slightly haunted look in Connor's eyes that just wouldn't go away.

His own guilt was eating him up inside, and Shar knew it could only take the strength of a goddess to ever make this right again.